Me in Place

Here’s more on Gymdom…Just answers to comments I’ve been told and questions I’ve been asked:

1. Nobody Cares About You: A major reason for not wanting to go to a gym is because you’re all constipated about what others will think about you. Same rule applies in the gym as it does anywhere else in the world: People are so concerned about themselves, they aren’t giving a second thought to you and what you’re doing. Now, that being said – they might give one short little thought to you and, in a gym, it will be one of two things. Either 1) they look down on you and how out of shape you are, in which case, yay for you! You just did a good deed for the day by making someone else feel all better about themselves! or 2) they look at you and wonder how you got so cute in your workout stuff (This has never ever happened to me, trust me), in which case: yay for you! You’re an inspiration!

2. Nobody is going to hit on you: This does not happen in the real world. Only in movies and Seinfeld episodes and to my one friend who is Barbie’s twin. (Okay, I lied – it does happen, but I wanted to lie to you so you’d go anyway.)

3. Nobody cares how fast or slow you’re going: see explanation under point #2.

4. Ask for help and wisdom and opinions: I know I drive people crazy with my questions. But don’t ever be afraid to ask for help! They can claim your email went to their junk/spam box if they’re tired of you.

5. One mile burns one hundred calories: As far as my research has shown, one mile is 100 cals. That being said, it doesn’t matter how fast or slow you went that mile – if you go a mile in ten minutes, you burned 100 cals…it took you twenty minutes? 100 cals. Now, going faster means you can be more efficient in your workouts (you could burn 300 cals in half an hour while someone else might take an hour to burn that same 300) and they won’t take as long…but who cares? If it takes you longer, just be ready to devote more time to working out. (Yes, there are a couple more factors involved – but this is the basic truth.)

6. Starving yourself by eating “only celery today!” does not help you lose weight.

7. Slow and steady wins the race: I’m nowhere near my goals and I’m still fighting losing battles – but I also have become more realistic with myself. I have other things going on in my life that might not always make working out possible, and my kids are always always always more important than me getting me time in. And medications sometimes mess with your system – so don’t go so much by weight…go with feeling better and getting in shape.

8. Fit your personality: If you’re a go-by-the-plan person, sit down at the beginning of the week and write down when you’re going to workout. If you’re more laid back about schedules – just write down goals that are more general.

9. Find a buddy: I have a Long Distance Workout Buddy that I am always free to email, whine, text, call and cheer for. It has helped IMMENSELY (because I need that kind of stuff – if you don’t, don’t worry about it!). I am always up for being your Workout Buddy – just email me! And if you like a more general, not so personal place to be inspired, try Spark People. I keep track of minutes worked out on there and love it (because I love charts and numbers and goals…). I do not use their nutrition part of the site, but it is very thorough and very helpful. Spark People link.

10. Wash your hands: ick. Enough said. I’ve learned to overcome the germaphobe thing in the gym to a certain extent. Gross. Ugh. Shiver. Still working on it.

11. The best time is the worst time: Think about what the worst time of the day to workout would be. This comes down to: 2-4 p.m.; after 9 at night; anytime after 2 p.m. on a Saturday and all afternoon Sunday. If you want to go when hardly anyone is there – go during these times. Seriously, I watch the football games on Sunday afternoon at the gym – it’s me and one or two other people in the whole place. I see the games, and I didn’t eat a zillion calories laying on the couch. Does it stink having to drag myself out to the gym at 2 on a Sunday afternoon during naptime? Yep.

I’ll stop preaching. Just do it.

Edited to add: this is in response to a comment below. It’s a re-post of something I wrote about two and a half years ago when the kids were still very little and I was at the height of exasperation.

Determined to get on that treadmill for at least 30 minutes today, I’ve been plodding around in sweatpants and old t-shirt, waiting for my opportune moment. This opportune moment happens, oh, say, once every 54 days, so I grabbed an inopportune moment and started away. I thought I’d describe my 30 Minutes o’ Treadmill Fun.

Minutes 1:00-5:00 go by with no interruption. I use the treadmill time to pick up an easy reading book I keep down there.

5:01 – A small rubber bouncy ball is dropped by 4yo and gets sucked into the tread on the mill!! A Crisis! We stop the treadmill, we cry loudly! We rescue the bouncy ball.

5:02 -7:43 – Tread is moving again. All is well.

7:44- 7yo is working on a puzzle about Groundhog Day. She can’t figure out how to unscramble the word “February.” She asks. I hint. She asks how to spell it. For the next three minutes, I spell F-E-B-R-U-A-R-Y… No… F-E-B-R-U-A-R-Y… over and over until I realize I’m yelling it.

10:45 – February is spelled. Bouncy ball still safe. Mom resumes reading about a mom who is overwhelmed with having a 6 month old baby. And Gasp! having to feed it lunch.Whatever.

13:48 – Fight erupts! Mother barks orders from treadmill to end fight. Fight ends.

15:09 – 2 yo seems to be out of bed and not napping. I hear talking. I yell up..determined NOT to get off that treadmill until I do my time. “Get in bed, please!”

15:15-19:15 – I discuss with my daughters the benefits of picking up after one’s self. It’s not going over well. They find a lot of benefit in Blaming Others. I realize I can talk without huffing and puffing, which, according to one magazine is a sign of being at an appropriate level of exercise. And, according to another magazine, means you are a wuss and should be going 10 mph faster.

19:16 – 24:00 – wow. Peace. I read.

24:01 – We finally allow 2yo to get up. He comes downstairs and adds to the noise level in my own personal basement gym. We notice a strange smell emanating from his behind. I refuse to stop working out. Must… do… exercise.

28:04 – Phone rings. Everyone gets excited. But I ignore. Must… keep… going.

29:23 – I note the green eruption slowly smearing up 2yo’s back. Must reach 30 minutes!

30:00!!! I have hardly made any progress in walking to Wrigley – but I’ve done it! I’ve done 30 minutes of exercise!

And we go up and bathe my little green poo monster.

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